|Posted by Krisily on July 30, 2012 at 6:35 PM|
When my friend Romi came to me with the opportunity to guest blog on her site about being bisexual I was pretty excited and had so many thoughts on what to say. I was going to be funny and sarcastic but the more I wrote the more I thought about the actual issue here and well this is what came out:
Hi my name is Krisily and I’m Bisexual
This is where you all say, “Hi Krisily”
Ok so maybe I don’t walk around saying this, I don’t always wear t-shirts that state my sexual orientation and I believe that who I date is a VERY small part of who I am. But yet I still feel the need to share my truth with the world. Why you ask? Who cares? Well maybe no one truly does but if I can open my mouth and talk about a small part of me and show the world that I am so much more than who I fall in love with, than maybe, just maybe I can help someone else feel a bit more comfortable with who they are and even better, maybe I can help change someone’s mind about their thoughts, on what we like to call the LGBT community. I want to start the conversation, the more people that talk about it the more people I can reach, then the more we can all grow and learn.
LGBT “Community” well we do call ourselves a community don’t we? What is the definition of a community to you? The dictionary tells us that the definition of community is a social, religious, occupational, or other group sharing common characteristics or interests and perceived or perceiving itself as distinct in some respect from the larger society within which it exists. When I think of a community I think of a large group of people all with a common thread, a group of people that support each other and understand not just the good but also the bad that their group may face. When I think of a community I think of a family, because family isn’t just the people that are related to you by birth, a family can also be the people in your life that understand and support every aspect of who you are as a person. So I ask you this, are we truly a “Community”?
LGBT stands for four little words, Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender. Four little words that can cause fear, hate, heated conversation, shame, abuse, anxiety, and even death. This isn’t the type of community that you need a membership to, have to pay any sort of dues to, and there are no meetings to go to. Some people may be “members” of this community without anyone even knowing. Our community is constantly under fire and being judged, and we as a community are constantly asking those around us not to judge us and to allow us to live our lives with the same rights as people who are not a part of our community. As a community that is constantly judged for our lifestyle and the choices we make, one would think it was safe to assume that we would stand by one another no matter what part of the LGBT community you represent. I mean isn’t that what being part of a community means? Here is the part that breaks my heart, for a community who knows what seems to be never ending judgment we judge within our own group sometimes the most. Yup, I said it and I’m going to say it again until everyone hears me. How in the world can you expect people to stop judging and hating if you can’t stop it yourself?
When I decided it was time to talk about my personal life out in the open with the public it was a very hard decision. My family and friends were aware of my choices but lets be real here, the only reason why people have any idea who I am is because of one of two things Miss RI USA or that crazy little dating show called The Bachelor. The people that follow my life on facebook and twitter know who I am and care what I do mostly because of the straightest show on TV. So imagine my thought process on how to handle talking about the fact that one day I fell in love with a woman. I decided it was the right thing to do because I felt like there had to be someone else out there in this crazy world that felt just the way I did, right? I started going to events for GLSEN (Gay Lesbian StraightEducation Network) and I started hearing teenagers stories and seeing 15 year olds that are braver than any adult I know. This is when I knew that the right thing to do was to share my truth because much like these teenagers I had a story and I needed to do my part to help change the views of the world one person at a time.
Cut to the first lesbian publication covering my “coming out” Autostraddle and while Riese had fun with it and for the most part I laughed my ass off at all the pictures, I then started scrolling down to the comment section and I was truly heartbroken. See I expected to get a lot of flack from bachelor fans and others but I NEVER expected to get it from the LGBT community itself. I mean reading some of those comments made me cringe, and I read all 219 of them. The ones that said I did it to extend my 15 minutes, the ones that said I couldn’t be bisexual, even the ones that commented on the length of my nails. Constant women and men calling themselves a part of this LGBT community, being judged themselves and now doubting me, and even worse telling me that I can’t be bisexual and to pick a side. But as I read through the comments I saw more and more women and men that were just like me, using the term Bisexual to describe their lifestyle too and the more they posted the more I saw the hate towards well the “B” in LGBT and I was blown away. So I wrote to Riese and we did a second story, this time with Jess and it was amazing. This story had 270 responses and yup, I read all of those too. This time I was called articulate and endearing, people were happy I contacted Autostraddle to set the record straight and I even got a few apologies! I could have just sat and felt bad about the comments but instead I chose to contact the site and see if they were interested in actually interviewing me rather than just reporting about me, clearly it was a good move.
See the thing about me is I HATE labels, I hate even using the word bisexual but you know what it’s who I am. I want real, true, everlasting love and I think it’s kind of amazing that I have the ability to get past all the bullshit, all the drama and stereotypes and I can fall in love with the person. At the end of the day for me, that is all that matters, it’s all about the person. As a community who is constantly preaching love is love, I think we may need to start practicing what we preach. I will proudly show the world that there is a “B” in LGBT for a reason, because we do exist and we are not going anywhere.