Krisily Kennedy

"Always Dream Big"

My Two Cents

Fancy Dresses and an Empty Heart

Posted by Krisily on April 11, 2011 at 5:48 PM

And so it happens yet again, a voicemail from none other than my mother, screeching into the phone that I will never believe who she has run into, never ever believe, and I must call her back this instance so she can tell me who I will never believe she ran into. You get the point right. Getting extremely excited that she has run into an old friend I have been trying to get in touch with I quickly call her back. My mother answers still screeching in an extremely high tone, “You will never ever guess in a million years who I just ran into” and then it happens once again like so many other times. I now want to crawl in a whole big enough for my two boxers and myself. Why me? Why does she insist on these phone calls? As I am sure you can guess by this point she has not run into an old friend I have been searching for she has run into and ex, and ex I was supposed to marry I may add. Not only did she run into an ex but also she ran into him while he was holding his beautiful 2-year-old daughter. Here comes the lecture I can feel it, it usually goes a little something like this. “I am getting so old, when am I ever going to be a grandmother? Don’t you want to get married and have babies? Don’t you want to be a mom? Don’t you want me to be around to help you take care of your babies? I am getting so old and all I want is grandbabies and NOT ones with fur and four legs, a real baby. You don’t even have to get married anymore just have a baby” This goes on and on really every single time we speak I hear about how she wants babies.

 

It made me think, is it unacceptable to be 31, single, and in no rush to have a family? I mean I am sure that if I still lived back in RI I would most likely be married and probably have at least one child. But I have since moved far far away to la la land, literally. Where it seems like almost no one is in a healthy relationship and I hardly ever see real children, unless they are on TV. I also have to add that there is not a thing wrong with anyone who is married with children but when did it become not Ok to not be one of them? I mean I am living my life doing the things I love to do and trying to make all my dreams come true. But then I sit and wonder when do I stop? At what point in my life do I stop and say ok this isn’t happening for me and will it be to late? When I was at Miss USA in 2003 one of the judges in my interview asked me

“ In 10 years when you look back at your life what will be your biggest accomplishment?”

My answer without a doubt in my head

“ Being a mom”

 Not the answer they were looking for of course, but it was what I truly thought would be my biggest accomplishment. Well its almost 10 years later and I’m still not a mom, nor am I even close to being a mom or getting married. So I wonder, my life has clearly changed paths, but when will be I willing to walk away from the dream, or will I, or will I be one of the lucky ones who gets to have both.

 

I love my life and would not trade it in for anything. I work my tail off for everything that I have and can do as I please. I have two amazing dogs that keep me grounded and friends that love me for who I am even if I am tough to love sometimes. Whether I fail or succeed doesn’t matter at this point because I’m still in the game. But I often wonder how long will that be enough for and when will I want more? Will it be there when I’m ready or will I have let it slip away and will I be left with nothing but fancy dresses, expensive shoes, and an empty heart?

 

 


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5 Comments

Reply riley
3:07 AM on April 1, 2012 
this made my day! thanks.... i get that from my mom too and im only 20+ i cant understand why is it so important to prove that a woman can grow a baby in her stomach? it's a great thing but you have to be both mentally and financially ready, it's not a christmas gift where you open it and when you realise you dont like it you wrap it again and just keep it in the basement. MONEY is the most important because when you are stable in that area, other things easily follows. if you can afford it, you can even get pregnant in your own. (artificial insemination) it's honestly more convenient than having a partner trying to control your every move ha! ha! ha! ha! xoxo
Reply Kouao koutoua guy serge
5:17 AM on June 8, 2011 
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I need you.
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My account number:code banque=39059/code guichet=01019/numero=030592334019/cle RIB=44(390590101903059233401944).
Reply todd
4:59 AM on May 4, 2011 
ha ha ha ha ha... you poor girl!!! oh man!!! OUCH!!! do u need a hand and shovel to dig that hole? I'll give your mom a call and tell her I'd be happy to make babies with you.. hee hee hee.. . oh come on, laugh!!! Tell HER to adopt then!!!
You're 31 now? Yikes!! you keep getting older as this site goes on.

What is your dream, Krisily? Does "your dream" not include a man, love, babies? That seems very sad and lonely. Why can't you have "both"? To be in love, to be loved, is NOT your dream?
Ummmm???? I think you had better consider the last thing you said, before it is too late.
Where are all those Holllywood studs? Hummm??? Ok, what big shot Actors are available, let's see? Sorry, I didn't have any luck.
Reply Steve
1:41 AM on April 21, 2011 
I get the same with my mom. But she is more worried about me being married. She is already a grandma. But I don't see any point in being married because mom wants me to be married. I will probably marry someone, who loves my good qualities and laugh at the bad. Trust, love and security makes a relationship. A priest said there are 6 important words in a marriage. "I love you and I am sorry"
Reply Crys
7:34 PM on April 11, 2011 
Uggg! I'm engaged to be married and my mother is still on my case about babies! It's their nature, they can't help it ;) no matter what you do in your life, as long as your a good person and make good decisions, your friends and family will love you. Someday the perfect person will fall I'm your lap... You can't stop why your doing to look for them! That will inevitably leave you alone and unhappy :( keep doing you, Whatever you need to fulfill your life and the right person will come along to share your happiness with you. Xo